10 Reasons I Won't be Buying an iPhone Anytime Soon

1.) Hullo - $600.00~! For a PHONE! Someone's been smoking crack! Over the span of a two-year contract, an iPhone will cost at least $2,241. Most carriers offer plans that cost half as much.
2.) ATT Cellular Network F.K.A. Cingular has the WORST Customer service in the world and beyond. Though iPhones are not subsidized, AT&T will still apply the standard $175 early termination fee.
3.) iPhone does not work in other countries. I need at least a G3 to use my phone in Europe.
4.) Flat panel will ensure that my makeup will be smudged all over iPhone everytime I take a call. This will turn me into an iPhone cleaning addict and grant me a new nervous tic.
5.) I was an early adaptor of the iPod Nano and could not BELIEVE the scratches - I want to wait and see if the iPhone has similar issues. Later generation iPhones will fix bugs revealed by the massive consumer test that started yesterday.
6.) I really would like to be able to use my iPhone for music, but if I'm at the gym, I shall look completely dorkalicious, trying to plug into it while on the treadmill.
7.) Not happy with various issues that have come so far SIM Card lock to crappy Cingular/ATT discourages consumer's choice. (And you know you WILL be reamed), there are also issues about the iTunes link to the iPhone.
8.) I will be a stellar mugging candidate if I EVER take my iPhone on the Subway to read the Wall Street Journal.
9.) A new version of the iPhone will be released in 6-7 months (most likely after they have fixed the bugs on version 1.0)
10.) Once again, I would sooner sell the souls of my children to the devil than take out a two year contract with Cingular/AT&T. At least the devil plays fair!

A Letter to My Neighbors

Dear Neighbors with the Neurotic Dalmation:
It has come to my attention that my two cats, Cleo-the-Evil and Little (20 lb) Kitty, have been encroaching upon your yard despite my best efforts and utilization of the "Water Bottle of Discipline." I apologize. I also apologize for the fact that Little "Fat" Kitty seems to have a morbid fascination with your highly strung Dalmation. While I'm sure that inbreeding accounts for most of his marked yappiness, I am also sure that his demeanor is unimproved by my two cats lounging just out of his range and daring him to attack.

Quite frankly, sometimes I wish he would lunge at them with fangs fully bared just to wipe the smirks off of their smug little faces. Although I have begged, pleaded, cajoled and threatened, to no avail, my cats seem to think that they have free reign over your backyard when Yappy the Dalmo isn't around. This is unacceptable behavior.

I am asking you kindly, as a neighbor, to please turn your water hose on them full blast whenever you see them sniffing around your peonies or ogling the sparrows that congregate around your bird feeder. I would also appreciate it if you could try to aim away from the street as I have no desire to see them flattened either. I am looking for them to be airborne on about 20 gallons of water as they stream into my yard and finally beach on my deck.

I am sure your children would also enjoy playing a game of "Hunt the Mutant Feline Freaks" with one of those large water pistols that shoots H20 with the frequency of an AK-47. Not only would this game prepare your children for a fascinating career as military snipers, it would also ameliorate the rather pungent odor emitting from your slide (which was caused by the cat down the street since my housecats still haven't realized that the outside world is their litterbox).

Thank you for your help in this regard.

Sincerely,
MM

Schroedinger's Cat